Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
