So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
