we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
