Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
