We won't sleep together?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
