so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize