I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize