i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
