The maid of honor just puked.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
