im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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