how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
