someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
