I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
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I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
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2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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