its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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