Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
