know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
