I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
