My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
