Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
