for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
