Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
