Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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