i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If I die, sorry about rent.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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