Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
