i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
