just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
