She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
In America we eat man semen.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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