im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
