Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
