You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have aggressive nipples.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
