your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
