i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
