I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
