I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
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