Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The Olympian is in my bed
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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