I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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