mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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