I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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