Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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