I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many