I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize