Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"