Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.