Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba