Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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