we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
