That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
