Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
