hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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