weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
