seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
