Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
