I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
