Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
This house was built for laser tag.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
