TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
