a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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