Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
