he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
