I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
