I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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