you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
