i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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