I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
