And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
