5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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