The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
