A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
