So drunk its hurt
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
