I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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