Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
