His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
