having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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