dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Also, beer. Big fan.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
