Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
