somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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