Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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