Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize