His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
