Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
