You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
