he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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