Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
