It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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